[Yonhap]
[Yonhap]

Cases of adult children cutting off contact or ending relationships with their parents are drawing growing social attention in the United States, the United Kingdom and elsewhere. Analysts say the trend reflects a weakening of the long-held belief that family ties must be maintained for life, as more people prioritize personal emotional well-being and the quality of their relationships.

The Wall Street Journal reported Sept. 26 on parents estranged from their adult children, noting that social norms around family relationships are shifting.

A conference on family estrangement held in Chicago this past summer drew more than 200 parents who had lost contact with their children. About 250 more watched a live online stream. Some attendees traveled from as far as Australia.

Robin Brill, 60, a retired event planner living in Atlanta, has been unable to reach her 28-year-old son for three years. She said the parents at the conference shared a common thread: a desire to understand why their children had cut them off.

Behind family estrangements lie years of accumulated conflict, abuse and differences in values.

Parents who repeatedly control or criticize their children's choices can also drive a wedge in the relationship. As children grow older, diverging views on religion, politics and lifestyle can further strain family bonds.

Even within the same family, people process shared experiences differently. What a parent remembers as ordinary discipline or a difference of opinion may leave a child with lasting emotional wounds.

The Guardian profiled a woman named Vanessa in January who had experienced estrangement from her family. Vanessa, a former psychotherapist, said she never expected her adult children to cut off contact with her.

At first, she simply sensed her children growing more distant. When she asked why, they told her nothing was wrong. A dispute with one child later prompted the others to pull away as well, and the relationships deteriorated from there.

Vanessa said her children's memories of their family life differed sharply from her own.

Jenna Burgess, CEO of the Australian Psychological Society, said mental health issues, favoritism within the family, addiction, violence and conflict between family members can all contribute to estrangement. She added that feeling insufficiently loved or a sense of not belonging within the family can also play a role.

Experts are paying close attention to generational differences in how people view family relationships.

William Doherty, an emeritus professor of family social science at the University of Minnesota, told the Wall Street Journal that the way family estrangement is socially accepted has changed, describing the moment as a "cultural inflection point."

In the past, there was a strong expectation that parents and children would maintain their relationship even through conflict. Increasingly, the view is spreading that stepping back from family is a legitimate choice when a relationship causes repeated harm.

Lynn Leczek, a sociologist at Ohio State University, framed this as a shift in what family relationships mean — moving away from an obligation rooted in blood ties toward an emphasis on mutual respect, emotional stability and the quality of the relationship itself.

Social media is also accelerating the change. On TikTok and Instagram, content about cutting off parents or setting psychological boundaries within family relationships has proliferated.

The term "no contact" — meaning a complete cessation of all communication and in-person contact with family — has gained wide currency. Some online content presents the choice as a way to protect one's mental health.

Mental health professionals are divided. Distancing oneself from a family relationship marked by serious abuse or violence can be a form of self-protection. At the same time, concerns have been raised that short social media videos may lead people to interpret ordinary family conflict as abuse when judging complex relationships.

Katherine Cavallo, a family and couples therapist interviewed by the Guardian, said awareness has grown around the impact of inappropriate family behavior and childhood experiences on mental health. She also said psychological terminology is increasingly being misused online, leading some people to pathologize family members in ways that go too far.

Rather than cutting ties entirely, limiting contact with parents is also drawing attention as an alternative.

The Guardian covered the phenomenon of "low contact" — maintaining only minimal interaction with family — in February. It involves reducing the frequency of calls and visits and reaching out only when necessary.

Marie, a woman in her 40s, had long felt uncomfortable in her relationship with her mother. She decided to answer her mother's calls less often and to reach out directly only when she had news the family needed to hear.

It was a decision made with her children in mind: cutting off her mother entirely would also mean her children losing access to their grandmother.

Caroline, a woman in her 50s, also changed how she communicated with her mother after a prolonged conflict. She kept up daily calls but capped them at five minutes and reduced in-person visits to roughly once a month.

She said that pulling back gave her space to reflect on her own feelings and reactions in the relationship.

Cavallo said limited contact can serve as a middle ground — a way for both parties to establish the distance they need before deciding whether to end the relationship altogether. It can also create time to reduce conflict and consider how the relationship might be sustained going forward.

Some people who have experienced family estrangement do eventually resume contact. The Guardian cited experts who said rebuilding a relationship requires a willingness to understand the other person's experience and acknowledge the sources of conflict.


rainbow@heraldcorp.com