Broadcaster Jeong Seon-hee, a former comedian. [YouTube channel 'Gongbuwang Jjincheontjae Hong Jin-gyeong']
Broadcaster Jeong Seon-hee, a former comedian. [YouTube channel 'Gongbuwang Jjincheontjae Hong Jin-gyeong']

Broadcaster Jeong Seon-hee has opened up about the painful period she endured after the death of her husband, the late An Jae-hwan, in 2008 — a time marked by relentless rumors and malicious online comments.

Hong Jin-gyeong uploaded a video titled "Jeong Seon-hee's advice that kept Hong Jin-gyeong grounded (+ buried stories)" to her official YouTube channel on Wednesday.

In the video, Jeong introduced a novel called "Kokoro" by Japanese author Natsume Soseki, which she said she had been reading recently.

"The reason I couldn't put this book down for so long is that I resented the world so much," Jeong said. "I hated people to the point of cursing them. I thought people were so cruel."

She then said, "How could anyone so ruthlessly dissect and dig into what happened to one person? How could people be so unkind toward someone's life? There was a period when I felt so wronged and came to despise people."

Jeong also described how the relentless criticism began to erode her sense of self. "As time went on, the line between what people said I did wrong and what I actually did wrong started to blur — there was no clear boundary anymore. I even started thinking, 'Maybe it really is my fault,'" she said. "I needed to step back and put it on a shelf objectively, but I couldn't. The grief turned into self-blame, and I felt like I was sinking into a swamp with no idea how to get out."

But she added that, with time, she eventually found her own standard for protecting herself.

"Drawing a line is incredibly important," Jeong said. "Now that I have the experience and maturity I do, I can tell the difference — but when I was younger, everything was jumbled together, which made it so much harder."

She added that she now wants to share that lesson with others going through similar struggles. "If someone is suffering from the same problem, I want to go to them and tell them: grab a marker and draw a clear line between what is and isn't your fault," she said.

Jeong married actor An Jae-hwan in 2007, only to lose him the following year. An was found dead inside a vehicle parked in a residential area of Nowon-gu, Seoul, on Sept. 8, 2008. He was 36. Police found a note at the scene and closed the investigation, determining the cause of death to be carbon monoxide poisoning.

After his death, the substantial debts he had been carrying came to light. Jeong was left to shoulder 7.85 billion won ($5.08 million) in private loans — with a principal of 3 billion won — and her home was put up for auction, leaving her in serious financial hardship.

In his note, An wrote: "It may not be enough, but I am taking everything with me. Seon-hee, my parents, my sister, all of my family — those left behind are without fault. The only mistake was trusting me. I know that leaving this way is a greater act of unfilial piety and a worse thing to do, but it seems this is the only way."

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If you are thinking about self-harm or suicide, contact the Ministry of Health and Welfare's helpline 1393, available 24/7. Please request a translator for English-language services.


yeonjoo7@heraldcorp.com