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A woman who says she can no longer endure two decades of clashing personalities and values with her husband has shared her story as she prepares to seek a divorce after 20 years of marriage.
According to YTN Radio's "Attorney Jo In-seop's Counseling Center" on Monday, the woman, identified only as A, is a full-time homemaker in her 50s who married a district office civil servant 20 years ago and raised a son with him.
A said her son enrolled in university last year and moved into a dormitory. "Once my child left the nest and became independent, my desire to separate from my husband only grew stronger," she said.
A said her feelings for her husband had long since faded, and described what life with him had been like.
Even when she was bedridden with a cold, he demanded she prepare soup and banchan, or side dishes. He begrudged spending money on fruit for her family but secretly paid for his mother's overseas trip. When the question of enrolling their son in one more hagwon came up, he launched into a lengthy lecture beginning with "Back in my day."
"At some point, every little thing he did started to grate on me," A said. "The way he eats, the way he laughs watching TV, even his yawning — I couldn't stand any of it. I even dreaded touching his underwear. When he snores at night, I want to twist his nose."
"I want to end this marriage. I don't even want to fight about it," she said. "I just want to split the apartment, the savings and his civil servant pension equally, and go our separate ways."
Attorney Lee Myung-in of Shinsegae Law Office, who reviewed her case, explained that in a mutual consent divorce, both parties must first receive court-provided guidance and then wait out a reflection period before the court confirms their intent to divorce. "If the children are already adults, the reflection period is one month; if there are minor children, it is three months," Lee said. "The divorce must be registered within three months of receiving the court's confirmation certificate for it to take legal effect."
He noted that the advantages of this route are that the process is simple and costs little. However, he added, if the parties cannot agree on details such as asset division, the process stalls.
On court-mediated divorce, Lee said the court is directly involved in the process, so details such as asset division and consolation payments can be worked out with the court's help. Once mediation is reached, there is no need to wait through a separate reflection period as in a mutual consent divorce. "However, the process is somewhat more complex, and if the other party refuses to participate in mediation or no agreement is reached, it can lead to litigation," he said.
For A's situation specifically, Lee said that if neither party bears fault and both want a clean fifty-fifty split, mediated divorce may be the more advantageous option.
Lee explained that if the husband refuses to divorce, A would need to file a divorce lawsuit in court. "A judicial divorce requires grounds for divorce as defined under civil law," he said. "In a case like this one — where love has simply run out — it could fall under the civil law provision of 'a grave reason that makes it difficult to continue the marriage.'"
He added that when neither party bears particular fault, as in this case, whether the marriage has actually broken down becomes the central issue.
Asked what options are available if the husband refuses to consent, Lee said a court may grant a divorce if it is proven that the marriage has effectively broken down — for instance, through a prolonged separation. He added that mediation is often attempted before a judicial divorce proceeds. "Even if the other party refuses to divorce, it would be worth first filing for mediation to attempt an agreement. If mediation fails, the key is to make a strong case in litigation that continuing the marriage is untenable," he said.
Lee also noted that because the husband is a civil servant and the marriage has lasted 20 years, A is entitled to a split pension benefit under the Civil Servants Pension Act.
yul@heraldcorp.com
