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A woman who has raised her two children alone since divorcing her unfaithful husband is now locked in a dispute with her ex over child support. The conflict arose after she sought to change the children's surname following her remarriage. The ex-husband reportedly agreed to the surname change only if she would reduce his child support payments. To make matters worse, she later learned that the woman her ex-husband remarried was the same person he had the affair with. The two had already had a child together before the divorce, raising the question of whether she could now seek damages.

A woman identified as A shared her story and sought advice on YTN Radio's "Cho In-sup's Counseling Center" on Wednesday.

A said she had two children with her ex-husband, born a year apart, but divorced before her second child turned one after discovering her husband's affair. With little in shared assets and her ex-husband earning a modest income at the time, the couple rushed through a mediated divorce. They agreed to child support of 300,000 won ($224) per child per month and visitation twice a month.

After the divorce, however, her ex-husband often failed to pay child support on time and frequently missed visitation appointments. This left A to raise both children largely on her own while supporting the family financially. She later met a new partner, and after living together for about three years and having a child, the couple registered their marriage six months ago.

A new concern arose recently after her older child started elementary school and her second child began attending kindergarten.

Her first and second children still carry her ex-husband's surname, while her youngest carries her current husband's surname, meaning siblings growing up under the same roof have different last names. A told her ex-husband that she wanted to change the surname and family origin of her first and second children to match her current husband's.

While her ex-husband agreed to the surname change, he attached a condition that A finds hard to accept. He asked her to reduce the existing child support payments, citing the financial burden of having a child with his new wife.

A later discovered something more troubling: her ex-husband's current wife was the same woman he had an affair with, the affair that had led to the collapse of her marriage. The two had already had a child together before A's divorce was finalized.

"It has been quite a while since the divorce, but I want to know if I can still hold my ex-husband and his current wife, who was the affair partner at the time, legally responsible," A said. "I also want to know whether the issue of changing the children's surname can be treated separately from the child support issue, and whether my ex-husband can demand a reduction in child support simply because he remarried and had another child."

Attorney Kim Mi-ru responded that a parent's consent to a change in a child's surname and family origin does not automatically guarantee approval. "The court must comprehensively consider the child's age and maturity, as well as the wishes of the parent with custody and the parent raising the child," Kim said.

"The court should also weigh whether the child is suffering disadvantages at school or in social life because of the different surname, and conversely, whether changing the surname could cause identity confusion or affect the bond with the biological father or siblings," Kim said.

Kim added, "Since A has only been remarried for about six months and her older child has just started elementary school, it is difficult to conclude for certain whether approval would be granted, as there is not yet clear evidence of concrete disadvantages in school life or peer relationships stemming from the different surname."

On the ex-husband's request to reduce child support because he remarried and had a child, Kim said, "As children grow older, the cost of raising them typically increases, not decreases. The existing child support of 300,000 won per child per month is already a very small amount, and given that the children have grown considerably since then, it would be difficult to accept a reduction."

Kim added, "Since about five years have passed since the divorce, and the children have grown while the ex-husband's financial situation has apparently improved, there may be grounds to request an increase in child support instead. A claim for damages against the former affair partner may also be possible."

Kim advised that a lawsuit against a third party involved in an affair is a claim for damages arising from a tortious act. Such a claim can be filed within three years of learning of the affair and within 10 years of the act itself.


yeonjoo7@heraldcorp.com