A mother and daughter. [Getty Images Bank]
A mother and daughter. [Getty Images Bank]

Counselor Lee Ho-sun delivered a sharp rebuke to a mother who overprotects her adult daughter like an infant — and to the daughter herself, who, despite being on the verge of marriage, still leans entirely on her mother.

The Monday episode of tvN Story's "Lee Ho-sun Counseling Center" focused on gaslighting, examining real-life cases to identify the language abusers use, the traits of victims and how to respond.

Lee opened the session by defining the term. "Gaslighting is emotional abuse in which another person systematically distorts your thoughts, feelings and judgment to make you doubt yourself," she said.

She then outlined traits shared by people most vulnerable to gaslighting — those with a "good person complex," those who are highly empathetic but struggle to assert themselves, and those who habitually second-guess their own perceptions. Such individuals, she said, are easily swayed by a manipulator's distorted claims.

"Abusers repeatedly say things like, 'That never happened,' 'You're seeing it wrong,' 'You're just being sensitive,' 'Everyone else disagrees with you,' or 'You're the problem,'" she said. "If you keep hearing three or more of those phrases, you should start to suspect gaslighting."

During an audience consultation, one woman said she had heard her mother tell her from childhood through adulthood: "You're wrong," "I think you're mistaken," and "You don't understand because you're not smart enough."

Lee responded without hesitation. "That is textbook gaslighting from a parent to a child," she said. Noticing that the woman kept smiling as she recounted her experiences, Lee added, "If I were in your shoes, I would have stopped smiling, cried or gotten angry. Being endlessly nice is not actually being nice — it means you can't protect yourself." She advised the woman to seek professional counseling.

The program also featured the story of a 37-year-old woman whose mother's excessive involvement had eroded her independence. The woman, who is preparing to marry, said she wanted to break free from her mother's constant interference. "My mom is anxious about everything I do and is never satisfied. She still treats me like a baby," she said. "Planning the wedding made me feel the overprotection even more acutely."

The woman said her mother had chosen the location of the couple's new home and signed the lease without consulting her or her fiancé. The mother, who said she had contributed a large sum toward the home, told the audience she lives on the 10th floor while the couple will be on the 5th — and that she already knows the door passcode, a revelation that visibly shocked the studio audience.

Even more startling was an incident from the woman's working life. When she ran into a conflict with a colleague in her early 30s, the first person she thought to call was her mother — and she did. Her mother came to the office in person and confronted the colleague directly. Similar incidents reportedly repeated themselves, with the mother visiting the workplace several more times.

Co-host Jang Yeong-ran asked why she had called her mother. "I had always relied on her growing up, so when something serious happened I didn't know how to handle it. She was the only person who came to mind," the woman said. She added that she stayed at the company for about a year and a half after the incident before ultimately quitting.

Lee said the dynamic was one of mutual dependency. "The mother interferes and the daughter depends on her," she said. She added that while it was partly the daughter's own issue, it was one that had to be resolved. "She is about to enter a stage of life where she must make important decisions together with her future husband. The daughter is in a troubled state right now."

Lee then spoke directly to the woman. "Snap out of it. You are an adult with a partner. You should be sharing your secrets with your spouse, not your mother," she said firmly. She also had a message for the mother: "Their life is theirs to build together. You need to let go."


choigo@heraldcorp.com