Photo not related to article. [Getty Images Bank]
Photo not related to article. [Getty Images Bank]

A story from a man in his 40s who says he has been in agony for six years of marriage over his wife's near-daily demands for sex is drawing attention online.

On Monday, attorney Yang Na-rae posted a video to their YouTube channel titled "Is a husband who refuses his wife's excessive demands for sex the at-fault spouse in a divorce?"

According to the video, the man — identified only as A, and in his early 40s — has no children and says his marriage has been largely free of conflict, except for this one issue. His wife, he said, had always been expressive with affection even when they were dating.

During their courtship, the couple met once or twice a week and were both satisfied with the frequency. After marriage, however, things changed: his wife began wanting sex nearly every day.

A said he initially accepted this as natural in the early days of marriage and complied with his wife's requests almost daily for the first year or two. The problem, he said, is that her demands have not changed even now, six years in.

Now in his 40s, A said he has taken on greater responsibilities at work, frequently works late and is physically worn out — but his wife stood firm on her expectation of daily sex.

When he confided in friends, they laughed it off, saying things like "Are you bragging?" and "I'm jealous."

At some point, A began pretending to fall asleep on the sofa to avoid sex. When his wife tried to wake him, he said he was too tired and refused, and this went on for about a week. His wife then told him she felt unloved when they did not have sex and accused him of seeing another woman. She also warned him that refusing sex could itself be grounds for divorce.

"For six years I went along with it almost every day, and all I did was take one week off because I was exhausted — and now she's accusing me of cheating and talking about divorce. I'm furious," A said. He asked for advice on whether refusing his wife's requests could make him the at-fault party in a divorce, and whether he could instead hold his wife responsible for persistently demanding sex without respecting his wishes.

Attorney Yang said that because couples differ on what frequency feels right, mutual agreement is key. "In a case like this, where a couple has been sexually active for a long time and the husband simply declined for about a week because he was physically worn out, it would be difficult to view that as grounds for divorce," Yang said.

Yang went on to say that sex between spouses should happen when both parties are willing and want it voluntarily. "If one partner keeps making demands even after the other says they are struggling, and then suspects infidelity simply because they were refused, the responsibility could actually fall on the spouse who kept demanding," Yang said.


choigo@heraldcorp.com