Wife changes door lock to keep mother-in-law out — husband says she's 'too sensitive'

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A woman who changed her home's door lock code to stop her mother-in-law from dropping by unannounced was scolded by her husband for doing so, according to a story shared on a radio program.

The account was featured Tuesday on YTN Radio's "Jo In-seop's Legal Consultation," in which a woman identified only as A said her husband had someone more important to him than her — his mother.

A said she had initially accepted the close bond between her husband and his mother, given that her father-in-law had died long ago and her husband was an only child.

"Not long after we moved into our newlywed home, my husband said he wanted to give his mother the door lock code," A said. "We both work, and his mother said she wanted to come by during the day to drop off banchan," or side dishes.

A said she agreed at the time but now deeply regrets it.

"After that, she started showing up without any notice," A said. "Once I came home from work to find her reorganizing our refrigerator. Another time I woke up late on a weekend and she was hanging laundry. I asked my husband to please tell her to call ahead before coming over."

The situation worsened after A had a child. "My mother-in-law's interference intensified. She told me what to feed the baby, when to put it to sleep, to play only classical music — she had a say in everything," A said. "When the baby caught a cold, she blamed me, saying it was because I go to work."

"I finally changed the door lock code without telling her," A said. "But a few days later, my mother-in-law walked right in. My husband had given her the new code."

"I told my husband through tears that I did not know who I had married, and he said I was just being too sensitive," A said. "I took our daughter and went to my parents' home. My husband has no idea why I left — he says I broke up our family for no reason."

'Even if preparing for divorce, keep minimal contact'

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Im Hyeong-chang, an attorney at law firm Shinsegae-ro, said that if a person has endured sustained mistreatment from in-laws — including assault, serious verbal abuse or humiliation severe enough to make continuing the marriage feel unbearable — they may file for divorce on those grounds. "However, in this case, the mother-in-law does not appear to have directly assaulted or seriously insulted the woman," Im said. "But if such behavior has been repeated over a considerable period and has caused the marital relationship to deteriorate to the point where it is difficult to repair, one could argue for divorce on the grounds of 'other serious reasons making it difficult to continue the marriage.'"

Im said the husband's conduct was also significant. "In this case, the wife asked her husband to at least have his mother call before visiting, and he refused. She even changed the door lock code, and he gave the new code to his mother," the attorney said. "If this pattern was repeated, it could be argued that the husband neglected — or even worsened — a conflict that he should have resolved within the marriage."

On the husband's claim that his wife "broke up the family," Im said the circumstances told a different story. "It appears the woman left for her parents' home with her child after conflict continued due to the mother-in-law's repeated visits and the husband's inaction," he said. "It would be difficult to conclude simply from the fact that she left the house that she abandoned the family."

He added, however, that cutting off all contact with a spouse after separation, or preventing them from seeing their child without good reason, could create further conflict. "Even if you are preparing for divorce, it is advisable to maintain the minimum necessary contact with the other party regarding matters involving the child," Im added.

yul@heraldcorp.com