"I know. It's so embarrassing. I know it in my head. I know I shouldn't. I've learned so much. I'm perfectly capable of being alone — and yet I hate being alone. That's what embarrasses me so much. You don't have to tell me. I already hate myself more than enough for this."
Even as news reports show South Korea's marriage rate continuing to fall, social media and mainstream media are full of people declaring they will never marry — or even date. Declarations of "non-romance," rejecting relationships altogether, have become commonplace. Men who cannot let go of women are sometimes attacked as being obsessed with women.
Yet beyond the online discourse, many women in real life lament, "There are so many men out there — so where is mine?" Dating reality shows draw large audiences by offering vicarious satisfaction. Many women find themselves attracted to none of the men around them, yet their desire for the opposite sex has not disappeared entirely.
"I'm Really Not Going to Date Men Anymore" tells the stories of women who drift without choosing either extreme in a world that seems to offer only two options: radical feminist or man-obsessed. Six authors — through three works of fiction and three comics — unpack the conflicts facing a feminist who still wants a man, the reckless attempts of a woman driven by desire, and the complicated feelings beneath a vow never to date again.
Artist Sanho's comic "A Mantis's Love" uses the praying mantis — whose female devours the male — as its protagonist, spinning an allegory about the personal and social problems a heterosexual woman faces simply for wanting a man.
Writer Jeong Do-gyeom's story "Desire Is Sticky" follows Nari, a scenario writer for adult heterosexual webtoons aimed at women. After recently discovering feminism and falling into a creative slump, she receives a near-threatening demand to align the love she desires, the love she is actually living and the love she considers ideal — and sets out to find what she truly wants.
In the comic "I'm Going to Date Women Now," artist Jeong Hae-na probes the dilemma of the heterosexual feminist. She portrays, without softening, a woman disillusioned with dating men yet still longing for the warmth that a relationship brings.
Writer Yun I-na's story "Trend Love Research Note" captures MZ generation dating trends while exposing the unvarnished reality of modern romance. For women worn down by partners who want connection without commitment, it offers the reassurance that a heterosexual woman's life is sustained by more than just a romantic partner.
In the comic "Why Are You Dating That Guy," artist Silky draws together readers wrestling with similar questions through the eyes of Emily, whose heterosexual desires and feminist identity are locked in fierce conflict.
Writer Min Ji-hyeong's story "How Not to Ruin Your Career Over a Man" exposes how deeply women's desires are devalued compared to men's, and how relentlessly society has suppressed women who dare to want.
Some speak of an era of "heteropessimism," but a woman's desire to meet a man is not something she should feel guilty about. Between "man-obsessed" and "feminist" exist countless women navigating perfectly natural feelings. When society allows them to face themselves as they are — without self-loathing and without watching for others' judgment — more people will find their way to happiness.
"I'm Really Not Going to Date Men Anymore" / by Jeong Hae-na, Jeong Do-gyeom, Sanho, Yun I-na, Silky and Min Ji-hyeong / Louder Books
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