Dear Annie: I am a 38-yearold single man with a serious problem involving my 13-year old nephew, “Hayden.” Hayden’s father died when he was 3, and I immediately stepped in as a surrogate parent. We share a close, affectionate relationship, and he has spent the night at my house on numerous occasions. There was never a problem until a month ago.
애니에게: 38세 독신 남성인데 13살 된 조카 ‘헤이든`과 관련된 심각한 문제가 있어요. 헤이든의 아버지는 헤이든이 3살 때 세상을 떠났고 제가 즉시 대리부모 역할을 하게 됐어요. 우린 친밀하고 애정어린 관계를 유지하고 있고 헤이든은 제 집에서 자주 자고 가요. 한달 전까진 문제가 전혀 없었어요.

During a sleepover, I awoke to find Hayden had crawled into my bed and was attempting to perform a sex act on me. I immediately stopped him, and we spent the rest of the evening discussing what happened. He confessed he was attracted to men and had been obsessed with having an intimate homosexual encounter since he was 11 years old.
헤이든이 와서 자던 날 잠이 깼는데 헤이든이 제 침대로 들어와서 제게 성적행위를 하려고 하는 걸 발견했어요. 전 즉시 저지했고 밤을 꼬박 세우며 얘길 했어요. 헤이든은 자신이 남자에게 끌린다， 11살 때부터 남자와의 성관계에 집착해왔다고 고백했어요.

He thought I would be receptive to it because I always give him a hug and kiss when I see him. I have been doing this since he was a toddler, and there was never anything remotely sexual about it.
제가 항상 자신을 만나면 포옹하고 키스를 했기 때문에 제가 받아들일 거라고 생각했대요. 전 헤이든이 아장아장 걸어다닐 때부터 그렇게 했고 성적인 뜻은 전혀 없었어요.

Hayden also admitted he has had a few sexual encounters with a 16-year-old male neighbor. I was stunned by all this. I calmly explained to Hayden that a sexual relationship between us was simply not possible, and that it was dangerous to be looking for that with any adult. He seemed genuinely sorry and begged me not to tell his mother. I agreed, but now regret making that promise. I worry he might seek an encounter with someone who may not have his best interests in mind.
헤이든은 16살 된 이웃과도 성관계를 몇 번 했다고 털어놨어요. 정말 아연실색했어요. 헤이든에게 우리 사이에 성관계는 불가능하다， 어른과의 성관계를 찾는 것은 위험하다고 침착하게 설명했어요. 헤이든은 정말 미안해하는 것 같았고 엄마에게 말하지 말라고 애걸했어요. 그러겠다고 했는데 지금은 그런 약속을 한 게 후회돼요. 그를 생각하지 않는 사람과 성관계를 하려 할까봐 걱정돼요.

Do I break my promise and tell my sister, thereby losing his trust? Or do I handle this myself, and if so, how? -- Louisville Uncle
그의 신뢰를 잃더라도 약속을 깨고 누님에게 얘길해야 할까요? 아님 저 혼자 처리해야 할까요? 그렇다면 어떻게 하죠? -- 루이빌의 삼촌

Dear Uncle: You have handled this well so far. However, at some point you will need to break that promise, so first arm yourself with useful information. Contact PFLAG (pflag.org) and encourage Hayden to do the same. Like any teenager, he should understand the emotional and physical risks of becoming sexually active, and he needs guidance.
삼촌에게: 지금까진 아주 잘 대처하셨어요. 하지만 어떤 시점에서는 약속을 깨야 할 거예요. 그러니 우선 유용한 정보를 갖추세요. PFLAG (pflag.org)에 접촉해 보시고 헤이든에게도 그렇게 하라고 해 주세요. 헤이든은 여느 10대들처럼 성생활의 정서적， 신체적 리스크를 이해해야 하며 지도가 필요해요.
(코리아헤럴드 05월02일자 기사)